forgiveness as an abstraction

‘forgiveness as an abstraction’ by Zlatan Hanityo (@zlatnomar)

sin(grief/affection/sadism, perhaps)

is the opposite of divinity; 

the angel curled between cumulus dreams,

the pearlescent saliva resting between

rubber-shelled cases of war grenades.

it is always going to come back,

like a snake shedding its secular skin

through your languid, torn out lungs.

you’re left breathless and begging—

bacteria-crusted hands tightly clasped in prayer, knees scraping soiled sidewalks,

‘please forgive me drainpipe deity

for all the animal bones behind my closet’

and yet, you feel no sense of salvation.

only a starving anaconda’s tail

nestled around your nightingale neck

only a gaunt vessel of patience

scarcely worn as feathered wings 

later, i dreamed of my murder victim;

face-first, dismembered, 

hands reduced to shards of silver marrow

bloodshot eyes / animal heads / tentacle thighs

and still, a pang of something stretched in me

like a tissue pulled across a thunderless sky

am i always going to feel this way?

all aching and efficiently effaced

from the corridor suggesting renewal,

bearing these bellied secrets away

to the exit doors latched tight

like a lockbox of jawbone clippings.

i should not feel this insatiable hunger.

all i have ever done is kneel 

before an ancient god and call it meaning.

all i have ever wanted was

for the machine to churn me out as gold.

all i have ever wanted was forgiveness 

and to be loved by someone.

Zlatan Hanityo is a fifteen year old high school student and amateur writer/poet.